I feel like I am really in the thick of transition now. And it is uncomfortable.
I suppose that is the sign that I am going in the right direction. Without feeling some sort of discomfort, I would be where it is comfortable – and change does not reside there.
In my studies, this past week's topic brought to light a few things. It is becoming apparent to me that I am not honouring my voice or speaking to myself with love. Heart centred communication was the phrase offered to me.
I knew this journey was going to be tricky. It was part of the reason I plunged in and took this course. To find answers – or at least more of them and to begin really looking inwards and working through the blocks there.
Right now, I feel the discomfort. It’s familiar - I recognise it as the ‘stuck’ feeling. That I am working towards something but feeling like I am going nowhere, so I give up. I believe I ‘ve been in this place many times before. I have begged for a sign, but I never really surrendered or truly opened myself up to see the opportunities.
When I thought I was surrendering, I was just searching for a label to validate my desires. Now, I can see it as the awkward transition phase. This place where I have reached out to the next branch, not knowing if it will hold my weight. My weight is still where I know it is safe, but I know at some point I will have to shift.
I know that if I am going to succeed in embracing change, I will have to let go, and have faith.
In this transition, I know I am still finding my voice. Where I am (what I am preparing to move away from) presents opportunity for me to practice sharing my voice. But it is so different to the part of me that I currently share. I know it will create ripples, good and bad. This potential outcome is causing the hesitancy in my heart.
I would love to have more confidence in sharing my authentic self and I know this will come from surrounding myself with a cheer squad. Supporters who genuinely want to see me succeed. Those like-minded individuals, I want to be a part of a community.
It is something I have desired for a long time, and I did not know it until as recent as these last few moments. To be a player in something special, magical and life changing.
I previously thought it to be a friendship circle, but I want it to be so much more than that. A tribe. A circle of women who are truthful, who are not envious or jealous, who are curious, who are present in their own wisdom.
I know my previous experience with social circles have not been the most successful, and I know it to be because I was not true to myself. How can I show up for others if I cannot show up for myself? But the thing is, I can – as long as I am honest about it.
I need to trust in owning who I am. That when I am on fire, my energy is magnetic. When those are connected, we are creating magic – we are the first in this new shift, this awakening generation, the paradigm, and we carry the frequency to step forward and claim that this is for me, for all of us.
So, my pledge to myself – do what expands your heart. Always.
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