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The crazy situations we find ourselves in

Most recently I’ve been finding myself triggered and uncontrollably reacting to situations that in the past, I would have arched up, been abrasive and really stood my ground on. Yet, as I slowly working through my childhood traumas and conditioning, making changes to my diet to adjust my hormones and chemical imbalances, I’ve been having emotional events that I am struggling to contain.

When I look back on these moments, I can objectively see that my reaction might have seemed quite a bit much, but I have to remind myself that breaking out into tears and allowing the emotions to flow freely, without restraint, it just what my body needs to move through the trauma response through the nervous system.

It probably doesn’t help me much, that my body is in a constant flight/fright/freeze mode due to an overactive nervous system. (The result of which is a whole lot of immune conditions – thanks genetics and life circumstance) By not allowing my body to move through the motions to heal when required, I’ve led it to be this backed up system, that is overactive, just trying to survive the current day to day functioning I put it through.

I might have mentioned this before in previous posts, but it’s not really until you experience such dysfunction of your body, that you realise something is wrong. Which seems a logical thing to say, yet it's clear so many of us ignore this dysfunction and continue to make it worse until we truly experience falling into a complete heap of uselessness.

So back to my reason for feeling the need to write. Of late, I’ve been triggered and reacting to personalities that could be described as narcissistic, condescending or even passive aggressive. In some therapeutic texts, they talk about that our triggers can be behaviours or situations we have left unresolved within ourselves or have recently worked through. I think that I align with the latter.

I’ve been trying to let go of these emotions and frustrations that I’ve let held onto for too long in the past, but as you could probably relate, there are just some days when you’re not feeling the good vibrations, and it’s easy to become receptive and vulnerable.

Over the last few months, as I’ve been working through healing these past conditioning and traumas, I’ve found it challenging to open the communication with others about the experience. It feels almost as sense of shame that we’re not allowed or able to openly express our true feelings. Unfortunately, I believe this is reflective from the majority of our peers around us that have been conditioned to respond in judgement rather than acceptance.

I want to be able to explain myself to others, you know find some reason to justify my reaction and responding behaviour to triggered events. Then I’m reminded, this want to justify is in itself a conditioning response; a method in which to make it socially acceptable to be emotional, or as some may compare it, weak. I know this statement might seem contradictory; in one breath we need to share but in the other be mindful of what we are sharing. I suppose this comes down to the context of information and the intent behind it.

Who are we trying to make feel better? Them, by smothering our own emotions and downplaying our response to allow them to feel comfortable? Or Us? By accepting that what we feel is okay. We should not ever have to apologise for allowing our bodies to process the information it can’t handle. Ultimately, choose your ears with consideration. Talking with trusted others about our healing and journey is one thing but trying to justify our means to someone who doesn’t hold value in the work, is a waste of energy.

I know this, through this whole journey process I’ve learnt this the hard way, it felt soul crushing to trying to explain my plight to then only have my emotional need neglected and dismissed. But I suppose this is the way we learn.

From this constant learning experience, it’s an adjustment to find which practices work best to process the triggers. I have found breath-work to be extremely helpful in calming my system down swiftly. As well as some ritual and meditation practices at the end of a challenging day. It’s the knowing when my system is on its way to dysfunction, that I’ve not quite worked out yet.

This is most likely due to me not being present in the moment, in the now, ignoring my intuition and getting caught up in all the daily muck we do. Getting caught up in the tomorrow. At the end of the day, we are only a soul experiencing this human existence to learn the intricacies of life.

What situations have you found yourself in where you’ve reacted in an unexpected way?

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