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Are you dimming your light for others?

It is a hard pill to swallow when you realise, you’re not for everyone.


I think I’ve always known that I am not for everyone. That there will be times in my life where I will encounter individuals who just won’t be in resonance with me, or even be in slight attunement. I know it will result in an uncomfortable and awkward experience.


Hands up if you have already felt this? 🙋‍♀️


But rather than keeping our strong sense of self, we fawn, we appease, we dim our light to make those around us feel more comfortable.


How many of you have done this?


I have. More times than I can record because it became a second nature.


Somewhere along the path in our history, our true souls were told to hide. To hide for fear of banishment, for our survival. It became a second nature. And you can look back into any social movement in history, where a different ideal was voiced, it was squandered and put out. To be ridiculed as dangerous or even as a lunatic. Even if the ideal had such a ring of truth, the minority that held the power, abused that power to guide a society for their own personal and collective gains.


Your soul, living this human experience, was created to be uniquely you. To shine in your own unique light. The things that feel uncomfortable to you, or not in alignment, may bring the highest joy for another.


For a large period of my life, I have been dimming my light.


The pressures of social change through school years and trying to find my place amongst it all, as well as unknowingly wearing childhood trauma made navigating the discovery of myself an interesting journey. However, without all that experience, I would not have had the opportunity to learn the lessons my higher self was directing me to participate in. To discover the heart of who I am.


I know the people I have crossed paths with over the years have seen glimpses of this heart. I, however, have had trouble believing it existed.


I am still struggling to communicate and openly share my story; in the past I had found it easier to moderate and leave out details or just simply give a vague explanation of myself for fear of creating impact on someone else's response.


Reflecting, I can see that this moderation wasn’t a representation of my authentic self. I created and built up a front, a deception that I showed even to my family. I can relate that on some level, my peers and family could sense it and without knowing the source of the deception, they created subconscious blocks to honesty connect with me. I essentially forced the degradation on my social and family environment by allowing my fears to control my expression of self.


It is only now that I realise that I can certainly moderate and take ownership of the delivery of my voice and representation of my heart. That I should trust in my intuition and let it guide my voice. I know that I am not responsible for the response of how the message is perceived or not received by others.


My voice, my heart, my sunshine won’t be for everyone. It will be too bright, too annoying, too confronting, too overwhelming for some, even too much of a shining light into the shadows of the things we try to hide from others, the things we are not ready to acknowledge.


It might seem too harsh to say, or even careless of others’ emotions. Yet at what point do you draw the line? When do you allow yourself to set the boundary and say, this IS me, I’ve had enough of trying to please others to be an image of their expectations. I’ve learnt that this is the boundary I need to set for myself. Otherwise, I find myself in situations where I am taken advantage of, and my emotions are not respected and leave any interaction feeling deflated.


As I grow in this journey, I feel like I am only ever scraping the surface of the universal knowledge available to me. Like a preppy, starting school for the first time, a baby learning to walk. It’s like ah-ha moment after ah-ha moment. And it’s exciting.


When I experience this excitement, the butterflies happen, and I feel a closer connection to source energy. I literally can feel my frequency rising in vibration, and all in the energy around me. And it is a great reminder that this is step closer to finding myself. Connecting to my true, authentic self. It all its sun-shiny goodness.


Some days it feels like a yo-yo. A flickering of the lights on and off. Some people I interact with in the dark, and some my highest light. I am learning that EVERYONE deserves my attention and interaction when I am focused and present within my light.


I can recognise that within some people, the unfamiliarity and uncomfortable feelings swirling within them when I am truly stepping into my light, and their reaction can be negative, restrictive, abrupt, and abrasive. Nevertheless, in those moments when I have the courage and patience to maintain my light and the strength of it, I can see a small spark within them. From then on, I have experienced future interactions with them become easier and flow towards more favourable outcomes.


Along with dimming my light, I hold a lot of imposter syndrome. I carry my childhood trauma of wanting to be liked, to be held in attention, to be recognised for my heart. The desire to be someone’s sunshine by any means possible. And it is that shifting of my sunshine, by any means, that I lost myself amongst all the facades and emotional blocks I built. To protect my ego, to keep my childhood heart safe when all I needed was someone to say, I’m here, I hear you.


I have realised, particularly over the last few years since becoming a parent and navigating the emotional rollercoaster that is the development of children’s emotions, is recognising the triggers of my own trauma in my response. The things I’ve learnt in my journey have certainly helped me manoeuvre in difficult situations and use the language that I wanted to hear when I was younger to soothe the discomfort. I’m constantly learning about how to encourage not only my children, but importantly myself to embrace the core of who I am.

To shine my light, to be authentically me, without moderating or hiding my emotional responses behind long encouraged shame and conditioned behaviours.


It's a pretty profound thing to discover within yourself, that our thoughts truly have the power to lead us is any direction. And to start believing it. That our thoughts can be the catalyst of contraction or expansion. The reflection of our hearts in shadow or light.


That sometimes we need a brighter light than our own to highlight what we cannot see amongst our shadows.


It is this reminder, that one spark can start a wildfire, that fills me with courage to share my sunshine, the honest, wholeheartly baring of my soul to be that spark to every soul I meet.


It could be a smoulder, a slow burn, or an ignition that bursts into flames. But knowing in my heart, that I was brave enough. That I worked it through and let go of my shame, my appeasing ways to stop dimming my light for the benefit of others discomfort.


I recognise that this will be a process within itself, and it is one I am more than willing to commit to.


On many occasions throughout my life, I was told (even by complete strangers) that my smile was contagious. That when it reached my eyes, it was warming and encouraged others to light up and smile in return.


I want to recapture this part of myself, to bring it back. For it to be the simple reflection of my light that I can mirror back to everyone I encounter. To truly encourage that we are deserving of shining our lights at whatever frequency suits our soul’s highest evolvement.


Even writing this, has been therapeutic for me. Whenever I start writing, I am never sure where it will lead. It is often hard for me to stay on track and on topic, as I get distracted and impassioned with all the different things that accumulate and build upon the message I wish to share.


I am hoping that as you have been reading this, you’ve been feeling the sense of confidence in my light has grown. That by sharing this with you, the frequency of raising my own vibration as echoed within you.


As we evolve, we will not be for everyone. Loved ones, peers, opportunities will fall away, some we would have never expected to, and unlikely replacements will find their way into our lives. We can never know how our interaction will impact a person's existence. It could be within that first moment, the next day, a week, five years or twenty later when that moment clicks into place for them. And that lightbulb moment, could have simply been you. Just YOU, owning everything you are, in your unique light.


So… this is a reminder, not only for myself to reflect upon later, but for you. How will you build the confidence to regain your light, and be confident in staying true to it?


Because the world needs your unique light.


Be wholeheartedly YOU.


Lots of love,


Sharai



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