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Originally written 19th October 2023. I’ve always known that somewhere within me I am a perfectionist – no matter how many times or often I have denied it. In that denial, I am cheating myself out of an opportunity. An opportunity to complete something and bask in the reward of that potential success. Instead, I am currently realising I am surrounded with nearly finished projects (and there are a lot of them) purely because the perfectionist in me did not want to share until it is complete = in my mind perfect. The truth of many of these projects is, they are already complete and to an outsider completely unaware of my inhibiting perfectionism would wonder why I was holding such a good thing back. A question was proposed to me by a peer coach, “is being a perfectionist holding you back from success and where you want to be?”. It felt like such an uncomfortable question to answer, because the truth of it is, I am. I am creating a limit, an unachievable expectation for myself. I am straight up from the beginning, setting the intent that whatever I set my mind to is realistically never going to be completed. You could delve deeper into the why of that thought, yet that is a conversation for another time. I feel like even acknowledging that has been the process of my thoughts is a bigger breakthrough. To shift my focus to complete a task, rather than concerning myself on the outcome. Regardless of an outcome, the importance is on the lessors learnt in the journey. This reasoning also brought me to a thought I had heard in another conversation, “we are conditioned to fight for our limitations”. Referring to the fact that we are rarely offered the opportunity to completely dream without limitation. We’re often suggested that “the sky’s the limit” – that saying it itself suggests you can only go so high in your ambitions – not even contemplating that there could be something beyond. But we are also encouraged to be prepared. That any venture without adequate planning and preparation is likely to fail or only go so far. Consideration for any unknown variable is removed from the equations. It is from this thought belief and conditioning that I am working towards unbinding. An encouragement to surrender to whatever the moment presents and rather than acting accordingly, or to a limited ideal, it is to fully give in and experience – to participate. Without holding perfectionist limitation. For the majority of conditioned beings experiencing life today – they will make a held judgement within the first 10 seconds, there is no thought to ‘is it finished / unfinished?’ or even room to be aware of the thought – those judgements come through completely unfiltered. It’s considering that now – why am I so bent on trying to hold sway in those 10 seconds? It’s knowing that – it either resonates, or it doesn’t. To those that it does – they are my people. They are the ones that will still be paying attention regardless of the level of perfectionism involved. When frequencies are matched – that is all the perfectionism that is required. How does perfectionism resonate and manifest within you? And what are you willing to do to pivot from those thoughts? Peace, Sharai x

There's a lot to bring in to perspective with the NEW ARIES MOON, and with the pairing of the solar eclipse this will heighten it all. It is time to prioritise your healing processes, reminding us that becoming aware of what's asking to be healed, witnesses and felt is the only way to move on without compulsively repeating the past. This is one of my favourite spreads for the new moon - an insight to EMBRACE + LET GO. TO EMBRACE TEN OF CUPS To see a TEN OF CUPS is to indicate a true emotional fulfilment - in particular the loved ones around you. Embrace the harmony that finds itself in your life, bringing joy into alignment with your hearts desire. The strength of cups reflects an intuitive maturity, flow, healing, cleansing, a sense of creativity and inner knowing. Embrace the moments about to unfold. TO LET GO KNIGHT OF WANDS - Reversed Wands are associated with the element of fire - a masculine energy and appears in a reading as a response to spirituality and purpose. Now is the time to let go of anger and the lack of direction you've been wandering, you've been running from committing and approaching your dreams with impatience. Be fearless and charge ahead, but be sure to find the balance in the in-between. These a reminders to allow thing to breakdown so you can experience the breakthrough, this will then lead into the catalyst for a significant shift in awareness and your own consciousness.

An insight to the year ahead - 2024. At the beginning of every year I take the time to sit down and reflect. To breathe in and accept the year that was, to breath out and set the intentions for the year to come. I write out my intentions, keeping them brief and then take the time to dive into the deeper. I find what resonates and determine what my theme/word of the year will be. To assist in refining all of that, I create a 16-card reading. 12 cards to reflect on an insight for each month of the year and 4 focus cards for the year. As you can figure - each number represents the month. i.e. 1 = January. These are all arranged just like the hours on a clock. The 4 focus cards can be anything - but the key is to determine them before you pull your cards. In my set up - the represent the following: A) The card of the year - OVERALL THEME B) CHALLENGE of the year C) LESSON of the year D) The DREAM MANIFESTATION In this my annual reading - I like to mix it up with more than one deck and in the choosing, it is purely intuitive. Featured in the reading below there are 4 decks I have chosen from. The Healing Waters Oracle - Rebecca Campbell The Sacred Forest Oracle - Denise Linn Dreams Of Gaia Tarot - Ravyenne Phelan Sacred Rebels Oracle - Alana Fairchild Now here is a detailed look into the insights received from each card. JANUARY - "Let It Rain" - Allowing What is. Inevitability. Trust. - Healing Waters Oracle What are you being called to surrender to? Surrender to what is happening in your life. What has been building up is preparing for a big release and right on cue the down pour will begin. Sweet relief will be felt when the waters of the sky return to the ground. FEBRUARY - "Earth Spirit" - Stability - Sacred Forest Oracle Be present in the moment. Slow down and let go of the businesses and frenetic pace of life. Explore your roots. Honour your past. Go deep. The Earth Spirit is here to support you and hold your love, even if you're not sure of it. The seeds you plant now will bring abundance in the future, but only if you take the time to nurture those new beginnings. MARCH - "The Youth" - #3 Major Arcana - Dreams Of Gaia Tarot A time of influence, of emotional energy, unconscious thoughts and beliefs and how they work to manifest the future. Live free of fear and doubt, allow the rise to a future that is both productive and creative. Life is too short to follow in another's footsteps and do things their way. Do it yours > tomorrow can take care of itself. APRIL - "Inspiration" - Sacred Rebels Oracle Be available to receive, trust what has come through. You are a vehicle for inspiration - act accordingly. Commit to development of your idea and sweet success like abundant honey will be coming your way. Be encouraged to accept the vision, idea and inspiration > it is important to your creative and spiritual growth. MAY - "Ten of Earth" - Dreams of Gaia Tarot Have you embraced the highest of ideals - to lead a fulfilling life doing something you love and to know and understand your place and purpose? Show your true self. Whatever the challenge might be, you will find your centre and move forward in a fearless manner. All aspects of life are coming together as a whole and all are in harmony. This is a time of reward for all the years of dedication of service to family, career and community with love, respect and trust. It is a reflection of what is felt within. JUNE - "The WellSpring" - What are you thirsty for? Body care. Take a breath. - Healing Waters Oracle Where are you pushing yourself beyond your limits? We must embrace our humanity and take care of the body by slowing down, quenching our thirst, and finding ways to recover and deeply rest. Look where you have been going into overdrive, work to bring more harmony and balance back into your life and trust your inner seasons. JULY - "Five of Earth" - Dreams of Gaia Tarot Where ever the deception lays at this time, there may be some basis for your doubts and questions. Your inner voice is telling you to look closer and see beyond selfish desires and blame so you can perceive the truth. Be honest with yourself, or heartache and disappointment may well follow. AUGUST - "Come to Life" - Sacred Rebels Oracle The real you speaks through your rebellious sacred heart and is living your life, not the monkey mind. You need a deeper connection to your own instincts, body, feelings and intuitions so that you can receive your new calling. You can trust in it too. Embrace it and it will embrace you. You are the most sacred of all sacred artworks and you are bringing yourself to life. SEPTEMBER - "Bear Spirit" - Healing - Sacred Forest Oracle You're a healer and a channel for the life force of the Universe. You are strong and grounded. Healing is unfolding and the situation is being resolved. Have faith all is well. Healing IS occurring on all levels, and can come in many forms. Be ready to accept it. As you heal - you will be a healing force for others. When it comes to tanks, don't fret on the how, simply say "you're welcome". OCTOBER - "Frog Spirit" - Renewal - Sacred Forest Oracle Be prepared and willing to release any preconceived notions of how life should unfold. This is a time to be adaptable. Be willing to change; abundance and good fortune will follow. Symbolising renewal, resurrection and transformation. Speaking of a profound restoration of your life is occurring, a reminder that it's never too late to begin again. In order to reboot your life, you need to do things in a different away. NOVEMBER - "The Pink Dolphin" - Celebration. Fun. Unbridled Joy. Open Heart. - Healing Waters Oracle. It's time to welcome more joy into your life. Open your heart and mind to new experiences and prioritising happiness and fun. Play like a child without attachment to the outcome. DECEMBER - "The Word Wants to be Written" - Sacred Rebels Oracle What you are is within you and wants to come out of every available opportunity. Allow the space for it to manifest and let the energy flow. Let go of the idea that you need to search for your path - you activate it by getting out of the way. It's time for you to be naked with yourself, acknowledge how gorgeous you are. What you want to create, wants to be created. THEME OF THE YEAR - "Planetary Wave" - Soul Mission. Trust the Inner Coil. Soul Team. - Healing Waters Oracle Trust the current of your own river and to answer the call deep within. Call in the ones who get you. Realise you are part of a larger team. Your mission - is to keep doing what you are called to do. Your soul chose to come into this body, on this planet, at this moment in time. THE CHALLENGE OF THE YEAR - "Eleven of Water" - Emotion / Intellect - Dreams of Gaia Tarot Suppression and expression - fear and love. What do you find yourself leaning into? If you express instead of express, you will move through life with more ease. It is better to be proactive and mindful when it comes to your emotions. Never ignore them. The challenge will come in balancing and aligning any emotional disharmony that may influence your choice and environment. LESSON OF THE YEAR - "Queen of Water" - Dreams of Gaia Tarot Take heart and know that brighter days are ahead. A reminder to have and maintain healthy boundaries to protect yourself from becoming drained. Believe in the power of love, but also the wisdom that comes with it. Relationships need to be nurtured and maintained, knowing that honesty is okay, as is a willingness to share our feelings. Sharing our true feelings can make ourselves feel vulnerable, but in doing so, it shows courage and strength. THE DREAM MANIFESTATION - "Elves" - Playfulness - Sacred Forest Oracle Embrace your innocence. Let go of heavy responsibilities. Give yourself a break. Nurture your spirit by doing something fun! Joy is important for sustaining yourself as the food you eat. Allow your inner child to play. If your responsibilities and hard work have clogged your life force energy, it's time to give yourself a break and have some fun. Nurture your spirit. The greatest gift that you can give the world is your joy, so make play a priority. When you play > you will find flow. I would love to know if any of the months themes have resonated with you thus far and how they may resonate with the months to come. Peace + Love, Sharai xx

I have been thinking about writing a post about my avid thirst for reading fiction – especially fantasy fiction. Fantasy isn’t a genre for everyone, yet there feels something so connected and surreal about the worlds the authors build that makes one wonder… is there really truth to all this fiction? It is the philosophical conversation that the thoughts we experience have an origin somewhere – whether it be in this existence or in the alternating universes that co-exist in the constant fracturing and bending of time? What I love about fantasy fiction, and more specifically science fiction fantasy, is the ideology is so akin to our mythological and religious beliefs, albeit in a slightly different telling, that if you truly surrender your imagination and constructed limiting beliefs, there is a thinning of the veil of what can surely be possible. Fantasy and science fiction walk a fine line with spirituality. Threading the stories of tribes of our ancient past (or ancient future?), their perceptions and their experience of the world into the lessons and lore that we follow even today. My experience of reading fantasy fiction has strongly assisted in the building of my character, always the reader and having that influence around me (thanks Dad!) always encouraged that there is always time to read a page, read a chapter, the novel or even the whole series. It hasn’t been until recently, after trying to disconnect my over-active mind from the need to be involved with EVERYTHING – like socials – I have really thrown myself back into reading. And although I love a good standalone read, hand me an interconnected series that has me dutifully reading every single book to completion any day. I will eat that up! It was when I was asked recently by one of my children “why do I love to read so much?”. And I told him – “It’s the stories it creates in my mind”. It sparks my imagination. So much better than any movie I could watch because I am building every small detail and feeling in my mind. Building the attachment to the character and living the rollercoaster of emotions that follows with it – but what I realised. Almost every story follows a main character that has had some type of loss, overcomes an event of adversity, finds their love, their tribe and proved all the naysayers wrong – ultimately finding their inner light and their inner courage to be all that they are – wholeheartedly, without restraint. And I fucking admire that. It’s these stories that have opened the cracks in my soul to show me how to be patient with others, because we can never know what their circumstance has been before we entered their world. When we have allowed those around us to shine, they ignite more of the light with us and we continue to spread and share that magic. It has shown me, that if we truly open our hearts and follow it, to trust in the unyielding loyalty of those we pull into our inner circle that we can truly be unstoppable in our conquests. That we are always worthy of being surrounded by unwavering love. It is this concept that has brought me to the connection that is spirituality and consciousness. To see the similarities of what is shared in todays awakening world, has already been written by the minds daring to see it and put it into words, into stories. This is where the lines between spirituality, awareness, fantasy and truth begin to blur. When we start diving into the world of spirituality, and our connection to it, we begin to see the connection to energy, to magic, to beings that are no longer of this earth. Whether they are deities, gods, goddesses, spirits – they exist in what we pen as fantasy. The other beings of our reality. Not seen by all – but felt by those willing to allow their hearts to believe. To acknowledge that there really is something beyond us that is unknown. I have read a lot of fiction over the years and I find it challenging to believe that so many authors just stumble onto a topic that is so similar – written decades a part without ever stumbling across another – I understand that a huge amount of research goes into a telling, however there are certain fictional species that continue to have similar attributes. I cannot be continued co-incidence. It is that on some plane, some level, these creative writers are tapped into what once was, or what happens to still exists in our alternative realities. The parallel universes. When do we begin to recognise that the science fiction – the idea of starseeds, of interconnected worlds through portals on some level is a truth? I know there are many who may baulk at such an idea, but it’s these stories of time before it was modernly recorded – that magic was cherished, that the tribute, the connection, energy, family, tribe were everything a soul needed to thrive, that I feel kindship with. It’s believing in the fairytales and being brave enough to be a dreamer. That our imagination is the creator of success, of our truth in our hearts. It is all of this and more, why I believe in the truth in fiction. For it is these seeds that teach me anything is possible. From now, amongst all the other things I share, and throughout the rediscovering of my own heart, I hope to share all the elements that draw pieces of me together, to build my light and show others the light inside of themselves. Til then, Peace, Sharai x P.S. Please share you Fantasy recommendations! Can never have enough titles on the TBR list.

25th March 2024 Surely some of you now have been feeling the disruption to energy within the last month. The change in season and also the lead into the first lunar eclipse for the year. Beliefs and thought patterns have been having a shake up, we're being made to feel uncomfortable. So we can have some sense that something needs to change. This year has been about living in alignment with myself and being wholeheartedly honest with my intentions and this first eclipse for the season is thought to bring out the things that need to be healed, resolved and released into the fire. Things from the past we've been clinging onto, pushing aside and straight out refusing to address will have a change to be resolved. We'll be able to see through the fog and view with clarity the lingering effects such as defense mechanisms, coping strategies that have truly been holding ourselves back from fully living and feeling. It will offer opportunity to accept, acknowledge and understand that these parts of us were means of survival, and that they are processes that no longer serve us and our highest selves. Letting go is one of the hardest things for our conscious minds to do, our egos thrives off fear and are the catalyst that holds us back from chasing our dreams. We fill our minds with fail-led what ifs. But what if? We approached it with the enthusiasm of seeing the sunrise. That we made if far enough to experience this circumstance of joy and chance to do it all again - even if it is a repeat of the day before. Our mindset and the perspective in which we choose to see it, is the catalyst to redistribute the frequencies around us and allow magic to truly happen. ECLIPSE CARD READING Featuring 'Dreams of Gaia' Tarot. XXI (11) PERCEPTION Our perception can shift and alter and be enhanced in a heartbeat, once new information, born of a different perspective, is provided. Once altered, it cannot be restored to what it was. Even if what we believe is to be truth is revealed to be an illusion and vice versa, there is no reset button for our perception. It simply changes and alters as our awareness increases. Every change to our perception changes our reality, and every change to our reality influences the choices we make. Our entire lives are built upon the foundations laid by our perception. They can be empowered and fulfilled because how we perceive our reality gives us confidence and on the flip can be destroyed in an instant. This is an opportunity to view your experiences and the interpretation, then the influences of your choices and seek to weigh your options of all that is to come.

Originally written 25th SEPT 2023 A lot can be said about the occurrences of the world the last few months and the placement of my existence amongst it. But how to express it into meaningful words of some type of inspiration has escaped me. Instead, I have chosen to fully commit to the experience, limiting the amount of social influence during this cycle of time. Now, I’m not going to boast all about how much growth and blah blah that’s happened but instead offer the insights of the outcomes that have settled upon me. My PERCEPTION of the world around me and I interact with has shifted. Not just physically, but emotionally and energetically. I have found it challenging to maintain relations (no matter how fleeting the engagement) that feel inauthentic and that feel energetically forced. I have been a lot more selective in the environments that I offer my energy to and mindful about how much of myself I give to draining atmospheres and people. This has led me to redefine my BOUNDARIES. I have always known that establishing boundaries to be important, for sanity of your soul. What I didn’t realise was how much I had let my own lapse. I had knocked down my own protective energy barriers to redistribute my energy to fawning for attention and acceptance from strangers and friends alike. I have been giving much of myself away to the detriment to myself and the relationships I have been trying to maintain. By re-establishing my own boundaries, I am ensuring my own cup is full, so what I do offer is done so from a respectful and plentiful state. HONOURING the ebbs and flows on my inner seasons. Through our atmospheric autumn and winter, I have found myself energetically doing less. As I have been finding the RESPECT for my own boundaries, it has deepened my cause to pause. My over stimulated and dysfunctional nervous system has been running on fumes and led to the woeful state of my health and integration of life around me. As life naturally slows down during this time, I embraced it as an opportunity to attempt to rest. The list six months have not so much been about resting, but about reconditioning my mind to let go of the rein of control to force outcomes and instead to surrender to what is and enjoy the ride. As my nervous system clams and begins to find re-alignment, I have struggled to embrace the impending wave of fatigue. There has been a dam built within and building up of chemicals and hormones that my body has been holding on to until there was a safe time to release and process. And this hasn’t been months of holding on, this has been 10-20 years’ worth of stored emotions and seasons functioning in survival mode. To add to this release and surrendering, my system and wellbeing has been tested and pushed beyond what I imagined my limits to be. I firsthand witnessed and unexpected loss of someone dear and close to our family and in the moment my body wouldn’t allow me to be present with the shock of it, instead the powerful nature of a maternal protector rose to the occasion. My grief came last behind those who needed my care and in that automatic response, unresolved emotional trauma came to say hello. In a whirlwind of emotions and experiencing a shifted version of my reality, the bigger picture of purpose has begun to slowly settle upon me. As I have found a deep strength and resonance to the external mother figure, I have slowly begun to clear the foggy vision of the connection to my sense of self. To truly embrace the mother wound I carry and pour my love into it. In honouring the motions of this discovery there is a calm and a respect for the discord and conflict over energy as the vibrations begin to find their rhythm. It is like harmonically tuning a guitar. You play the same note on different strings, when it is out of tune you can hear the wavelengths of sound are out of sync with each other. Their patterns vibrate fast, yet when they get closer and more in tune, that wavelength, the peaks and troughs lengthen out and become a closer match. It is this thought and knowledge that reminds me that vibration and the energy behind that is everything. It is at the core of who are and how we show up in the world. Our energy and our connection with that energy is the vibrational insight we require to guide us in the existence. In taking this time to pause and enjoy the SERENITY in the rediscovering my sense of self, it has provided opportunity to reflect on how I am choosing to show up in all areas of my life, and to see the gaps on which I am creating from avoiding circumstances and the change to close chapters and cycles. I am well aware that my part to play may seem small but the flow on effect of my interaction can be of monumental influence – which cycles back to my perception of my world around me. It is being fully aware that if I show up with a low vibrational energy, that energy is going to seek me out and the circumstances and environment around me will match that energy. It will also have a flow on influence to my physical body. My patience and resilience for obstacles slips, my digestion begins to struggle, and general dis-ease begins to take over. I have also come to be more aware that my words have power. Not only the tone and intent behind it, or the honesty that drives it, but also the words I speak to myself, my inner dialogue and the words I say aloud. I never truly acknowledged how much negative self-talk and even the negative self-talk of those around me has impacted the integrity in which I see myself. The influence of generational lack has been strong in my upbringing, and it has been integral in shaping my character of who I am. As much as I believe in soul contracts, our souls instinctively know the path of experience to travel for its own enrichment and for the collective influence of the souls that cross our own paths. I am thankful, no matter how emotionally trying this past season has been, for without the storms and surges, we cannon reshape our landscapes to shift our direction to experience growth. If we expect everything to stay the same, how are we to accept change when it does eventuate? Even if we hope for it be sunshine all year around, there is intelligence and wisdom to be found in the rainy days, and as the rain evaporates, a healing environment begins. This is the stage or season I am at in this cycle – the healing, and not to be caught up in either. Which seems to happen in the community of expanding consciousness. I am not here for the purpose of healing ancestral wounds or to experience boundless growth but to be a part of the journey for the love, joy and humility of having the opportunity to be a creator in my own right. I wish to share all that I have learnt and experienced, all that I have loved and disliked and to share one of many perceptions available to us. In my time in this pause, I have come to realise I feel uncomfortable in the telling (as ironic as that may seem to some who have had the pleasurable conversations of my persistent bossiness). Even growing up, I never reacted well to authority and being shepherded to a particular way of being or narrative – yet that same doctrine I rebelled, I translated and replayed to the environment around me without consciously being aware of what I was doing. And as what goes with time passing, comes the knowledge of your experience. I inadvertently created / manifested the scenarios that provided me with this life’s greatest lessons. This is in part why I fee less attracted to environments where forced ways of being are pushed as truth, and authentic is a momentary trend. Having ACCEPTANCE of my own self has come hard, and in a current modernised world where the encouragement to be on trend to be successful is rife, it has been challenging to resist giving into that energy. I have felt deep loss in losing connections, ones that I believe would make it through the test of time, but now realise where reliant on a foundation that was superficial and built upon constructs that allowed minimal growth. It has however brought about deeper, heartfelt, honest, and authentic connections and set a tone that, past and future connections will be built upon this love. I desire to be an honest champion for the love of what we chose to create. To allow our hearts the opportunity to find balance and alignment within our souls’ purpose and to openly share it with those around us. To be confident in the knowledge that influence, and gratification does not always appear in the moment, but can also gain strength in the time that passes. As I have refrained my interaction with our modern technologies, I also recognise the platform it can offer as an opening to conversations and sharing a voice with those who are also passing through their differing seasons. I promise to always be consistent with my inconsistencies – that is my Gemini nature, the wanderer of conversation and consciousness. The translator or divine wisdom shared through the lived experience of the triple goddess; the maiden, the mother and eventually the crone. I still wholeheartedly believe that everything that we experience in this lifetime, happens for a reason. It is our own strength and intuitive wisdom that chooses how we utilise the opportunity presented to us. And all of that depends on how we hold the love we have in our own hearts. Until the next share, Peace, love, truth + spirit. Sharai x

Allowing that voice deep in your soul to say a little louder – be unproductive. Over the last two months, I have felt less pull to engage with what I have been learning over the last twelve months. There is honestly so much I want to share about what I have learned, yet with everything that has happened in the divine scheme of things, I haven’t had much of the capacity to do so. So here I am, 2 months in to feeling unproductive. However, my soul knows this to not be the truth of it. This last little while has been exactly what my soul needed, time to pause. Time to integrate and time to surrender to everything that just is. An opportunity to strengthen my will for everything that I want to create. It has been the moment I have been craving for years. Immense change with the tools learned and the chance to build something life-long. My head knows that this process will be slow (and not always being the patient type knowing this is hard) and my heart knows that the journey will be worth it. When I kind of reflect on the years of ill health and immense fatigue and pushing through it – a version of myself has been pushing for this surrender moment for a long time. I recognise now that it has been my ego that never really want to let me have the occasion to surrender. Because letting go, surrendering, being ‘unproductive’ can be scary. It is the egotistical moments of ourselves that hold us back from the chance to explore unhindered thoughts, experiencing and feeling through discomforts and resisting the thoughts that we are not in control of what happens, because if we allow ourselves to be in control of every part of our lives, we can prepare for an outcome. And that’s controlling our fears. I have come to experience over and over again that this train of thought is cyclical, and there is minimal growth – if even any at all, and the only real way to adjust the cycle is to spiral out of it. Start asking harder and discomforting questions. It’s in the phase of my life, I feel like that asking this type of questions is a lot harder. There is this created pressure that I owe everyone else around me an explanation before I even provide myself one. And in this pause, this surrender to allowing myself to take a breath. I exhale and believe that the only person I truly am responsible to is myself. It is my greatest desire in this lifetime to experience. Experience growth – and I have had my fair share of ammo thrown at me to create that growth. However, I have let me ego and fear overwhelm me that I did just keep going around in circles and kept throwing my hands up in the air asking the universe why things weren’t changing. Mainly because I was scared to create the change myself. I was afraid that I didn’t know how. And now, I feel like the truth of that is that we don’t need to know. Not really ever. In this pause of being unproductive, I have been able to close off a chapter that I held open way too long. It has been a process of saying goodbye to a version of myself that lived in constant flight and fawn. Consistently questioning my own voice because it disagreed with those I care about. The child in me wishes I took the time to listen to what I was trying to say for all those years lost. What the inner voice was trying to share. Instead, I allowed myself to get lost, caught up in a competition of noise, ego and the taking of others light because my own was dim. In saying all of that, it is through living that part of my life, that I can acknowledge those lessons for the value that add to my life now. The value they add to my whole persona and this next version of myself. I truly believe we are never going to be the same person throughout our lifetimes. How could anyone expect us to be? There are just too many variables in which can affect the way we see and interact with the environment around us. This is partially the reason why I believe in the ideals of starseeds and soul contracts. There are many different explanations for what a starseed is – and in my mind, it is the grouping of souls or seeds that continually exist in the same plane at the same period in time. It is these souls and starseeds that create contracts with us before we even birth, agreeing on what we are to learn as individuals in this next evolutionary cycle to assist in our understanding and growth. In some circumstances – we may learn nothing at all. I believe I could confidently say that the core of who I am hasn’t changed. The flame may have flickered in different directions with altering intensity, yet that kindred souls I have had the pleasure of meeting in this lifetime have recognised it. Acknowledging that the light they see in themselves, they see in me and vice versa. Peeling back this version of myself, this old mask is entirely liberating from a heart opening perspective. It feels like my vision is clearer, but not my physical sight, my ethereal sight and that of the heart – voice connection. In this time of feeling like I have been doing absolutely nothing, I have been healing. Learning the basics of how to breathe again, to be in my body and to learn how to listen to the wisdom it is trying to share. To pay homage to the sacred vessel I have the privilege of occupying. I am slowly allowing my ego to dissipate and be confident in the fact that my heart and voice are my own and should not be moderated for the sake of pleasing another. Because in that scenario I would be then sharing a false version of myself – and my ego desires to be accepted for everything I wholeheartedly am. And my soul desires it too. These last weeks have given me chance to step away from a version of myself that was hindering growth, to start afresh in a new environment with a new perspective and knowledge of my heart. With a maturity and wisdom that was not available to the previous version of me. I am wholeheartedly thankful for all the good, bad, and ugly that has occurred in my life, and I know that the deep dives to dark uncomfortable places have provided leaps and closure that was not available to my ancestors. The mystical knowledge, the sacred feminine mysteries had been lost and overlooked in the years past and with the shifts of energy that have occurred over recent years have provided the catalyst to really bring forth activated healing for all. I know this with the new people I connect with in my life. It feels like this immense homecoming and belonging. That in this circle, our hearts are held, and we are safe. So, with this unproductive yet very productive pause what has it allowed me to learn? It has confirmed for me the behaviours and environments I do not wish to engage in, as much as I can acknowledge that we all at some stage in our existence travel through toxic and negative behaviours, it is no longer in my capacity to try hold my ground in this space. I much prefer to see it for what it is, offer my love and move on. Hustle culture and in-authenticity do not resonate – and I suppose never really have. And hence has stemmed my love/hate relationship with social media platforms. I struggle with giving it too much power over my life when truthfully my soul thrives on face-to-face interactions. And this is the space I really wish to grow. I dream of creating community driven conversations that are aligned with spiritual health. Of being in balance and alignment with your heart, body, and soul. Of being supported by purpose that is full of truth and authenticity, dreams and love. I want to be able to bring innocence back to this forthcoming generation. I see it within my own children the potential they have to be change makers, the bearers of ancestral knowledge, yet I can see the challenge nurturing that with not only my own heart but that also of the community they are engaged in. So, in this pause, I am laying out my heart and surrendering to the will of what this universe has planned for me. Allowing myself to be caught in the whimsy, or what some may call fanciful, unrealistic dreams. It is to the latter that I hope to crack open a little, to allow them to share and bask in the light of what we can offer ourselves when we are truly in balance with our whole. It is our birthright to dream – and when we surrender ourselves to that thought, we can truly create magic. I know in my own heart that when I have thrown caution to the wind and let my heart soar towards my dreams, I have manifested the opportunities to get closer to my dreams. And equally, questioned my worth on receiving such gifts – because I let my voice be drowned out with the noise of the world around me. Growth can be hard to accept. Unfortunately, I feel like we are unconsciously conditioned to believe that unless it is hard to achieve, it is not real, and we are not worthy of the success. In light of that, in my own reflections, I have also experienced the alter to that circumstance. When I am in flow, growth is easy, and it is easier to acknowledge and accept the manifestation of opportunities that can come with it. It is easy to believe that we are living dull, boring, and unimportant lives. And I would say to you, what ever caused you to see the world that way? And you could certainly provide enough answers to fill one hand in under thirty seconds. Yet when have you allowed yourself to consider all the wonderful, exciting and grateful moments in your life? Could you find enough answers to raise all fingers in the same amount of time? Unless you are allowing your heart to see this way regularly, to be able to pause and reflect on the gratitude of each lived moment, we can be led to believe anything. Because we don’t know how to see or listen to the magic. The magic of our intuition, the connection and influence our actions to the environment. I think it has been well over 10 years since I have allowed myself any opportunity to consciously pause and reflect back on everything that was and everything that can be. Partially due to not having the support and tools I have now to process such thought and I truly do wish that what I know now, was available to me in some shape or form to me when I was younger. Alas, the logical part of my mind in that thought, says I would not have had the growth I have experience without that lack and hardship. Which is well truth, and this journey is not a race. I am not competing against anyone, and it doesn’t matter if I had these thoughts 5 years ago, 10 years ago or even 15 years. It is unlikely that I would be ‘ahead of the game’, I would simply be in a different place, and likely one that would look different to where I am now. This is my plea, and my heartfelt share to you, it is okay to be unproductive, to not feel where you should be. This is YOUR journey; your experience and it is completely in your hands. What you see is the interpretation of your perception and lived experience, and on occasion the influence of those most impactful souls in your life – which could be there to guide you, disrupt you, love you or emotionally destroy you. How you see it and that gratitude to which you feel for the experience is what is truly going to provide you the growth your soul craves. No matter how scary, devasting or joyful it is, it will always be worth in. This post, this message, is as much for me as it is for you who is reading it now. As you have been reading this, please share any insights that may have come forth and if you wish to connect further, reach out for a complimentary 1:1 connection chat. As always, much love, Sharai xx

As 2022 came to a close, I wanted to reflect on the year that was with purpose and with intention for what I wanted to bring in for the coming 2023. I haven’t ever really been one for setting new resolutions or goals, whenever I tried, they were lost within the first month of the year. It wasn’t that I was committed to them, I was, I was more focused on going with the flow and chasing the feeling my heart led me. Even if it was somewhat aimlessly. So, after being ambitious enough to engage in further study (for personal development), something I’ve never invested in before, I realised it was time to refocus and determine what was going to be the theme for the upcoming year. (I love the idea of having a theme or a singular word rather than having a set of goals or resolutions for the coming year. It sits nicer with me, and it offers flexibility. I am a bit of a rebel and have trouble with abiding by the rules of authority – even if I establish them myself. 😝) For 2023, the word that kept showing up was SURRENDER. Surrender to what was. Surrender to what is. Surrender to what is to come. Even surrendering to the word took me a little while to really settle into. As we reach the halfway point into the year and going through some massive personal shifts, I am still finding the struggle moments of how to surrender. And it wasn’t until I was given cause to pause in a recent moment that I realised what the purpose of surrender is for me this year. It is the opportunity to let go of all the unconscious conditioning and the need to be in control of every situation and its outcome. I put such high expectation on myself to achieve, to meet some imaginary varying quota, as well as committing to many pursuits. It’s through this opportunity of surrendering to what is – that I can reduce the strain on my nervous system and the constant hyper vigilance I put myself through. I know how to heal – the ancestral wisdom is there within me. But I often ignore it. As I know we all do. For whatever reason it is, I have made the commitment to myself to connect with this knowledge deeper, and it starts with me surrendering. The start of this year felt like it started in chaos. Misunderstandings with myself, my family, my relationship and trying to understand my purpose and with times that it felt like my whole world was turning upside down. Especially the times when I felt like I was coming through the fog to find my heart only to feel like it shrouded over again the moment I could see. Alas, this is the movements, the ebbs and flows of the journey, and to find the way is to trust in the process. To truly surrender. So that is what I started to give in to. I started to let go of some of the higher expectations I had set for myself. Yes, it is great to be ambitious – yet your body and soul must have the capacity for it. It may be capable, but on what quality of foundation? For what I dream for the future of myself, my family, and my community, I want to start with strong foundations. So, no matter what type of obstacles come along, that we are strong enough to adapt and keep growing. This year has felt like it has been a slow start, however when I look back from where I am now, so much really has been achieved, purely by slowly surrendering. I recently completed a coaching course that provided me with the tools to communicate better with those around me, as well as addressing the needs within my relationship with my husband. This led us from talking about potential separation to building a stronger dynamic within our relationship. It also helped me manifest a new job, assisting me to remove myself from a masculine dominant environment into a supportive and feminine dominant environment. Allowing me an opportunity to really connect deeper with myself – connecting back to my word of surrender. It is hard to surrender to your own needs when you feel you are too heavy in the masculine energy (from a feminine origin). I believe we are created to be in balance – not only with ourselves but also with those we partner with. And contributing to the disharmony in my marriage, was the imbalance of my masculine and feminine energies. I was functioning so high in the masculine in my day-to-day roles that it overflowed into my relationship. And not only that, for many years before, as a single woman with no strong masculine energy in my world. I adopted that energy as my main way of functioning. And in turn this attributed to the disfunction in my nervous system. I didn’t really know how to be in my feminine quality, so, part of this year has been surrendering to that. As I have begun to surrender to the many areas and energies of resistance in my life, snippets of magic have slowly been seeping through, and its slowly stoking the fire of desire within. Not only that, but it is also beginning to heal the immediate and generational sister and mother wounds that I have carried with me for the majority of my life. As I enter my 36th year on this earth, I still feel like a child with so much of the world to explore. Not only physically but on every plane – and knowing that even when I reach my 50th year, I will have much wisdom to offer and still feel like a child, new to walking this earth. Surrendering to that truth is exciting. For now, it is about really building the foundations for what I would love to cultivate in the future. It is letting go of the resistance and surrendering to the magic that is to come. It is surrendering the need to control the outcome, to purposely steer the journey rather than enjoying the ride. It is surrendering to the pause and trusting that it is okay to rest and do nothing, because sometimes to truly be productive is to feel like you are being unproductive. It is surrendering to the moment and experience the joy in it. It is surrendering to my heart and the energy and passion it exudes when it is open. It is surrendering to my intuition and the gut feeling of when something does not feel quite right and being empowered to say no. It is surrendering to the empowering magic of being a woman – a goddess – a sacred oracle. It is surrendering to the knowledge that what we experience in this lifetime is not here to punish us but to teach us. I feel as though I have experienced a lot in this lifetime – however I have somehow managed not to hold on to a lot of the thought of it. I experienced it, (didn’t always learn from it it) and then moved on (and sometimes without fully processing it). This is my moment now to surrender to all that came before, all that was. It has shaped me into who I am now, in this moment and assisted to prepare me for the surrendering of what is to come. It is only part way through this year, which has felt lightning fast but also a drag and, in that knowledge, it provides the opportunity for excitement for what the remainder of 2023 has to offer. So, I would like to ask this of you all, what are you surrendering to this year? I’d love to know, so please share in the comments. Much love, Sharai

Just over a year ago, I started this little blog called Light of Rai. I created it as a place to share my thoughts in the hopes that reading stories of my journey will create a spark in the heart of another, encouraging them to dive deeper into their own journey, and essentially begin the chain reaction of healing the collective. Little did I know that path I would then begin to find myself on. Writing and sharing in this public way planted a seed within my heart. I had little clue where it would take me, so I did what I have done before and surrendered to the process. I hadn’t really given it much thought or planning to where I wanted to take this direction, but I knew deep within my soul that there is so much of my own experience of life I can share with others. Not just for the sake of sharing but for also building a better future for myself, my family, and the healing that I knew needed to happen. After writing and engaging on socials, I was seeking more. I wanted to know how I could quantify want I wanted to share. So, I started seeking out courses for further education so I could learn how to dive deeper into healing and instead I found myself starting a coaching certification. One that felt so aligned to my heart – Dharma Coaching Institute. Never in any future did I see myself becoming a coach – yet it felt so aligned that I did what I could to be a part of it. It has been a financial strain to commit so much to a course without truly knowing a defined outcome, yet the possibilities that present itself now 20 years in the future are remarkable – and they feel so completely aligned with my heart. Not only that, all the tools I have learnt throughout the process have assisted me to repair and improve my most treasured relationships. That in itself has been worth the investment. Often it easy to find our thoughts in a place of questioning the investment into our own self development, and to any considering taking the chance. Do it! Whatever it is, it is guaranteed to enriching your life and alter your current journey trajectory and that is a truly inspiring and exciting prospect. So where do I find myself now? Although I have been talking about it for some time, it is now official (you know having say it on paper kind of official) – I am fully certified. Certified to bare witness to that magic of assisting others to find balance, alignment, and purpose in their life. This journey over the last 12 months has had some serious depths and dark nights, but I wouldn’t take them back for anything. For these moments showed me scope, expanse, and opportunity to experience the beauty and magic of growth and pure moments of joy. Thank you for being here on this journey – and I look forward to many more in the years to come. Much love, Sharai xx

Vulnerable, heart opening share incoming. I’m not going to lie, the last six months of my life have been nothing but challenging. On one end of the spectrum, I am elated with the amount of healing and growth I have done personally. On the other, I have found it tough to find balance with this growth and the energetic change within my relationship with my husband. However, I would not change the experience for anything else in the world. The circumstance in which I met my husband Shane was nothing but synchronistic, even to the point where we eventually connected and had a whopping 9-hour first date 😲. I know deep in my heart that we have a soul contract with each other – pre-determined by our souls before we were birthed into this existence. That contract is to challenge, grow, teach, and love. There are continually different moments throughout our relationship where we have triggered the fuck out of each other – honestly, I don’t think I have ever cried so much. But it is this crying that has released so much trapped emotion within me. For a long time prior I really struggled to share the depths of my emotions and here was this man – bashing through those blocks and churning it up with a chainsaw. It has felt raw and liberating at the same time. And I know this has been the same for him. I have challenged his way of thinking, responding, created overwhelming feelings of hopelessness and offered the opportunity of patience. Our lives thus far leading to the time we met, we were unmet in our emotional needs. And in some respects, still are, but the beauty of it all is we see each other. Truly see. Patience for personal growth of another person is a hard thing to give away. There is a lot of questioning why we’re bothering to keep going, why not move on to someone who has exactly what we need? But that need is for right now – not for depth of growth and support we currently offer each other for the past, present and time to come. He knows deep in his heart that I will have his back no matter what. He can keep frustratingly, throwing spaghetti at the wall hoping it sticks, however from my own growth that I have been doing, I know my role in this scenario is to be that solid wall of support that he hasn’t had for the majority of his life. It’s building the trust and undoing the subconscious conditioning and belief that he is not worthy of having his dreams and desires. The more I travel down this spiritual, personal development journey, the more I realise how important it is for me to come into my feminine nature, by all means, my birth right. To embrace the goddess within me, to glow with my nurturing heart and hold him with compassion. I am to be his warrior of heart. An empress of the ethereal world. As I come along the way I find resistance to connection, and this has been the sticking point for us over the last 6 months. Some in the astrology realms would say it has been aligned to what the collective is moving through. Since around November 2022 there has been a significant increase in separation and divorce, and it makes you wonder the why behind it. I can certainly see some contributing factors, and we must remember in these circumstances others are not to blame. It is simply us moving through energetic shifts. It is the Universes way of nudging us to look deeper within ourselves. What insights do we need to discover? What subconscious thoughts do we need to bring to the surface of consciousness? Are we allowing ourselves grace to be who our hearts lead us to be? These are the queries we are encouraged to explore, and in some scenarios, it is the Universe attempting to communicate with us that there is more. More heart opening experiences, more depth, more growth, more joy, more excitement. For us as a partnership we have felt the accumulation and stress of the last few years (thanks to the world going upside down) and the flow on effects that has had on us and our family. It has changed our dynamic and the way we both want to show up in the world and converse with other people. It has been really coming to a head the last few weeks, and this is where I can see my growth. A few years ago if this scenario happened, I would be balling my eyes out, fawning, demeaning my worth all in an attempt to keep it all together. I would be settling for the lesser of two evils just to keep the peace. Now, I have learnt to rebuild my personal energetic boundaries and remember my worth. I have realised that the escalation of our emotions is the energetic manifestation of what needs to be moved through our physical bodies rather than burying them deep and holding the resentment, to throw at each other later. Knowing my worth, knowing my strength in being in my personal feminine power has been life changing for me. I am only beginning to discover this part of myself, but I know in my heart this was my ancestral superpower. To be the space holder for the divine masculine. To be the Yin to his Yang to create magic as a whole. Finding this place of peace within myself has allowed a depth of compassion I didn’t know I could hold. It has offered opportunity to reflect on the situation as it unfolds and assist in providing support where it needed – that is holding the space and saying nothing at all. I have noticed when I instil this practice – I allow the space for Shane to flow through his full range of emotions, finding that place where he eventually finds an momentary equilibrium and we allow ourselves to have honest, open hearted communication, which we can acknowledge our triggers and talk about how we can repair. And I believe it is that final moment of repair that makes all the difference. Even though the enactment of the repair may take time to put into practice, having known we have talked our way towards a possible resolution, warms my heart and for me creates a deeper heart and soul connection. Relationships for me have never been about the superficial things. It has always been about the dreamy, soul connection that we see in the Disney movies. You know the ones where the prince rolls in, sweeps you off your feet and yeeha you’re a princess. And as I have grown older, realised that is somewhat an unrealistic expectation to have, and I am guilty of projecting that expectation too. Even as a child, I have wanted that deeper soul connection, one that is full of sparks and never gets boring. And I am confident in saying that is what I have now. Our relationship from the outside might seem stale and full of frustration to some, but with everything we experience in life there will always be highs and lows in every aspect of that experience. I am a true believer that to fully integrate and feel the full spectrum of joy, we must experience the full depth of despair and heartache. Otherwise, how can we truly measure the expanse of that joy? We never know what will happen tomorrow, but I do like to dream that this soul contract between us is forever. As we move through each phase of our lives, it is a getting to know each other in this new iteration, a new depth, aspect, character. Without growth there is no change and without change there is no growth. I think my worst nightmare would be to stay stagnant and boring. Instead, I wake up each morning choosing to be here, to be in this experience, without honestly knowing what I am going to face and whether or not I will be equipped to handle it. Even so, I am willing to commit and eager to learn. I believe that perspective makes the difference. Consciously making the choice. We have free will. We are the creators of our consciousness. We have the power to control our vibration and how far that energy reaches. We can choose how we show up and in which frequency we engage. It excites me knowing that this is available to us, and always has been. Shane and I are not out of the woods just yet. Life’s circumstances continually throw us curve balls, so there is obviously some takeaways we both need to recognise before we can keep moving forward. So I am fully expecting there are more tears and frustrations to come, but my heart is full knowing that by having this experience, I am healing my own wounds and supporting the healing of his too. There is power in true, supported connection. It can be hard to see through the misty veils we shroud ourselves in as protection, the only advice I can offer to this, is to feel into it, trust your intuition. Truth the energy of your being, have faith that it knows subconsciously that which your conscious mind does not. The biggest lesson I have learnt throughout these up and downs is to allow myself the grace to feel, to surrender and let go any expectation of meeting deadlines. It’s a true living life by the seat of your pants concept and falling into the chaotic beauty of the moment. I am sure this part of my journey is going to escalate and see some truly beautiful and crazy moments, and I am here for all of it. Thank you again for being here a part of my journey too dear reader – because my hope is that by sharing a piece of my heart and soul. It will give you or someone you share this story with the courage to crack open their own heart and sunshine with the world. Because, the world could do with a little more magic and sunshine right now. Until next time, Love, Sharai xx

Have faith in your inner voice. It knows what’s best for your growth, even if it takes you to the rock bottom depths of your soul, your soul knows what it needs to do to become its unforgiving self. It's any easier thing to say than to put into practice. Especially if you have been conditioned to ignore it. As well as listening to my inner voice more often, I have been trying to make more time to listen to my body. Even if our conscious mind doesn't recognise what is going on, our subtle body does. As I've been moving through all sorts of emotions and stressors recently, my body is screaming at me to let go of that which is no longer serving me. I've been holding on to patterns for a long time, purely out of fear of surrendering to the unknown. And it really has taken a toll on my health and now that I am making efforts to surrender - my body is moving through it. Quite unhappily. I know once I've integrated this, rather than bury or supress it, I will be so much lighter and simmering with a desire to shine completely in my unforgiving self. 👇 What things are you doing to build faith in your inner voice? 📷 Cover photo Max Nguyen from Unsplash

Every so often I have really vivid dreams. You know the ones, when you wake up and swear, they seem so real. I have had many a discussion of these type of dreams with my husband before (he has the often too, especially after doing his night-time meditations) and I believe they are the insight to our universal selves. It is us witnessing the existence of our alternative selves. When you feel that strong connection with the dream, is the universe showing you this scenario now, so you don’t have to experience it later in your current existence? I believe this to be the case, but as another element to it, I believe we are shown these particular things as an unconscious interpretation of what we are moving through in this existence. It is the opportunity to see the deeper insight available to us. In this distinct dream, there were a few key elements that have stayed with me upon waking. The first is the setting of the scene. Walking through a large open air terrarium, my kids were playing amongst it all. Not long after, there was a high pitch buzz in the air and these gigantic frog hands started appearing out of the leaves and clicking. Far in the distance there was a deep rumble. To further investigate we ran up the stairs, leaving the terrarium and back on to the balcony of the main house. Off in the distance, I saw this large hot, fire cloud shoot out of the low rocky hills. And then the mountain started to split open and the crevice of fire and lava raced towards us. As this happened, I wasn’t full of fear or anxiety as I expected I would be. In similar dreams, it had felt like it was a race for survival. This time however, it truly felt like a beginning. I was calm and collected and not at all fearful, because I knew that what was arising around me needed to occur. After some reflection there were two elements of the dream that stood out. The frogs and the erupting volcano (and my calmness to it all). Upon some further research, Frogs have quite a powerful symbolism spiritually. They are an omen of rebirth, renewal and transformation, and the dream interpretation of frogs can symbolise a personal transformation, a new beginning, and major life changes. As per the second part, the erupting volcano, this presents itself when there is a tectonic shift. A possible reflection of a psychological shift happing in life, a change in consciousness and personal transformation. It is the channel of the subconscious coming to erupt on the surface, in spiritual terms, can relate to an awakening and rebirth. Both of these elements of the dream are a confirmation for me of what I am currently moving through in my life, and the sense of calm whilst these occur shows me, I am walking in alignment with my souls will. I don’t like to describe it as divine will, as in this instance, I am the divine being manifested into this existence. I mentioned at the start of this article that I don’t often have vivid dreams, and that is true. Over the last year of my journey, I have been trying to pay more attention to the whispers of my soul and begin to really tune in to my intuition. I have come to realise this practice and honing of the skill, really does take a lifetime and consistency. As well as the day-to-day things that bring us into alignment with all aspects of ourselves. And that takes surrendering to the flow. If you’re interested in finding out more how you can be in alignment with yourself, your personal mission, your soul purpose, check out my coaching offers here. I would love to hear more about what type of vivid dreams you have had that brought about personal change for you. Share in the comments. 👇 Much love, Sharai xx